Online dating over 50 can work. Your outcome depends on your mindset. Here's your online dating success plan.
“I must be too old to meet a man!” Connie was completely downhearted when she called me. She’d been divorced for many years.
After knocking on doors for a while, trying to meet a good man, she finally decided to give online dating a try. She’d heard plenty of success stories and was feeling excited about the possibilities. She truly desired to be the heroine in a story with a happy ending.
Only a couple of years away from retirement, she longed for a good man to share all the adventures ahead. She created her profile on a couple of dating sites and waited. And waited.
She wailed to me on our first phone call that she hadn’t heard from any men, never mind good ones!
Can Online Dating Work for a Woman Over 50?
“Nonsense!” I said. “You’re definitely not too old to find a wonderful man. It’s not an ‘age’ thing. It’s a mindset thing.”
At this point Connie was eager to try anything to achieve her dreams. Right away Connie and I got to work to change her dating experience. I’m a huge fan of online dating but, as I say to clients all the time, “It’s great – if you do it well.”
Norman Vincent Peale taught us that “we tend to get what we expect.” So if a woman comes to me and says that, with online dating, a woman can only expect to meet abhorrent men, she’s probably right. Likewise, if a woman comes to me believing she’s going to have a great adventure dating and she’s going to meet wonderful men, she’s going to be right, too.
How to Do Online Dating Right
Having a strategic plan and knowing how to approach online dating will greatly enhance your ultimate outcome. Here are the five steps that, if you follow them, will positively impact your dating adventure whether online or offline.
Get Clear About Who You Are and What You Want
It’s important to dive deep within yourself and discover who you are and what you truly want. Your job is to be clear in your own mind and to communicate clearly who you are and what you want in both your words and your behavior. Your sense of clarity will enable you to screen potential dating partners more effectively. This clarity becomes your road map to the man of your dreams.
Too many women are out there dating with no effective road map. Without a road map, you’ll just end up wherever the wind blows you. You will likely end up some place you never intended or desire to be. Make sure you’re in the driver’s seat with a well-thought out travel plan and an excellent road map.
Look for Happiness in All the Right Places
I’ve seen so many women who are trying to meet a man for all the wrong reasons. They work hard at it. They invest months and years of energy and time to meet a man with no results.
When we poke around their feelings about men, some women are surprised at what they discover about themselves. Some women feel they “should” be in a relationship with a man for whatever reason. Upon deep reflection, and when you strip away all the “shoulds”, some women realize that they’re really just not that fond of men.
It comes as a shock to some to realize that being with a man is not what would make them happy. When a woman has this bolt of lightning strike her, it is incredibly empowering. Many women prefer the autonomy and freedom to be alone. To finally realize and acknowledge this gives the woman, for whom this path is right, remarkable power and permission to live her life fully, and happily, without a man.
Have a Positive Attitude
It’s important to have a positive attitude about men – and about dating. If you feel genuinely positive, you will radiate positivity. Positivity and happiness are more likely to attract good men.
If you struggle with being positive and upbeat, read some good books on the subject. Attend a retreat for self-discovery. It is critical to overcome negative biases in yourself and toward others before you attempt to create a good relationship with a man. This will be time well-spent.
Be Realistic About Your Expectations
It will take time to find the right man. It’s unlikely you’ll meet the man of your dreams your first time out of the gate. Not every man will be a fit for you.
All but one of the men you’ll meet along the way will be the wrong man for you. Each man you meet will be an important stepping stone along your path. Step lightly and with a light heart.
Choose to see every man you meet as a gift. Feel appreciation for each one and for what they will teach you about yourself. Appreciate that you will be a gift to each man you meet along their journeys as well. This mindset will only serve to bring more good things your way.
Become Unattached to Outcomes
This one’s tricky! We’re human. We become attached to outcomes. All. The. Time. It’s what we do.
Because you are human, you are going to want so much for “this one” to be “The One” that you become devoted to that outcome. You don’t have complete control over the outcome. So to become attached to a particular result happening can cause great sorrow.
It’s going to happen to you no matter what your resolve is. When it happens, the best thing to do is to keep reminding yourself how fabulous you are! Continue to express yourself authentically. Trust that when you remain true to yourself you will attract men who are a good fit for you.
When you remain authentic and true to yourself, you’ll find that you’ll also screen out men who aren’t such a good fit for you. This is extremely valuable because it saves you much time, energy and heartache.
It’s a beautiful system and works like a charm . . . if you work it!
How Did Connie’s Story End?
Connie changed her outlook to one of hopeful positivity. She changed her profile and updated her photos. And she met her great guy online!
Connie and her man are off on great adventures, now that he’s also retired. (She met a younger man!) And he has proposed.
Connie achieved her happy ending through successful online dating. And you can too!
What success stories have you heard about women over 50 meeting wonderful men?